Change Hurts

I react badly to change.

After my mother died I was not allowed to see my disabled daughter and I became desperate to see her. I tried everything. I found out where she lived. I called her caregiver. I hired a bad attorney and took my sister who is her guardian to court. I cried and I pleaded to no avail for months. Then I gave up. I know that her caregiver doesn’t want me to see her because she is afraid that I will somehow be able to take her. I know that she lied to my sister. I also know that there is nothing I can do about it… not now. I also know that God has a plan for me and my daughter.

After my husband left I was desperate for a relationship. I tried everything. flirted… a lot. I went out with men I wouldn’t normally date. I indulged in some night time wine driven texts. It was ridiculous. As time went on I got used to being alone. I started turning down dates and being really careful about who I spent my time with. I’ve now gone to the other end of the spectrum. I see red flags… they’re everywhere… men don't stand a chance… lol. Yeah, I’m good now. I know that God has a plan for me.

When my grandson’s foster mother stopped letting me see him I was desperate to do so. I tried everything. I begged. I pleaded. I was angry. I was sad. I said and posted things to try and get her attention… anything so that she would change her mind. I did this for months… to no avail. Then I gave up. I will always miss him, but I realized something. She was good with him before, so she will be good with him now, and she will be good with him in the future. She loves him. He’s loved. I know that God has a plan for my grandson.

I react badly to change. This I know. It takes a while for me to adapt to losing people and it can be difficult to watch. I’ve had a lot of loss in my life… a life filled with loss, and I know that as I get older there will be much more. I really need to find a way to let go when they’re gone.