I Remembered

While driving home the other night I was contemplating how my daughter's friends will smoke inside her home. I remembered that while I lived in that house we always smoked out on the carport. We had it fixed up outside and even in the coldest weather we would sit in the rocking chairs and smoke.

Then I had a flashback... a memory. It was very vivid. I remembered times when I lived with my ex and he would be pissed off at me about something or other and I would sit outside in the cold... smoking... because I was so hurt and upset. It was such a vivid memory that I could feel the cold. I could sit out there for an hour and he wouldn't care. I would sit out in the cold... alone and hurt... while he gave me the silent treatment.

Did you know that the silent treatment is a form of abuse? Read about its effects here.

Don't Look Back

I recently read an article by Gary Thomas. He wrote that for some individuals looking back at a dead relationship is about fantasy. They allow a relationship that never worked out to steal the energy they should be pouring into their present lives.

Giving way to fantasy can be very destructive. They simply waste our time and steal our energy from making our current life more meaningful.  "There’s a reason that dead relationship isn’t a living one!"

It's true that our memories tend to be very selective. We forget the negative and fixate on the positive. It's times like this that we need to remember why the relationship ended. We need to stop living our lives looking in the rear view mirror and face forward. It's time to move on.

Researching My Single Status

I recently read an article entitled “10 Reasons Why Being Single is Better Than a Relationship” by Evelyn Pelczar. In the article she writes about the why “flying solo” is better than being in a relationship. I decide to think about how each of these items relate to my current situation, so here goes:

1. Time to build a better you. This is certainly true for me. Why it is true that the first six months or so I wallowed in wine, I am now working to get back to my ideal weight (15 pounds down, 10 to go), I’ve been eating healthier, exercising more, and taking more time for myself.
   
2. Do what you want, when you want. I like this part of being single. I can buy what I want (well, money’s tight, but still). I can shop where I want to, and stay out as long as I need to. In my past relationships the men I shared my life with got upset if I brought home a dog. I now have five at home and no one got upset. So yeah, this aspect is kind of cool.
3. Girl’s night out without the guilt. I don’t have a lot of nights out with the girls lately, but I certainly could if I wanted to… no problem.
4. Plenty of time to start a new hobby. With working full time and a house full of boys I don’t really have the time for hobbies; however, I do find time between cleaning to indulge in my passion for painting.
5. The freedom to date whomever you want and go on as many dates as possible. Not so much… I just can’t bring myself to date anyone right now… but whatever.
6. No need to feel guilty over what you post on social media. I can see this one. Sometimes things that got posted could be taken the wrong way and now I just don’t care.
7. No need to monitor someone else’s social media activity. No need, but I still look every now and then. I mean how else would I know that his new wife was ugly, right?
   
8. Less time on the phone and more time to “do you.” It is true that I don’t get checked up on, but this is one of the things that I miss.
9. No more “forced relationships.” This statement refers to his family, friends, and pets. SO true. In my last relationship it took his parents two years to even step foot in our house. I really grew to like them, but they pretty much betrayed me in the end. The worst part was putting up with his children, or specifically the way he treated his children. He was the worst father and it was a nightmare trying to co-parent children who had no guidance or discipline. I seriously don’t miss those forced relationships.
10. More money in your pocket. Absolutely! “We” would purchase things that he would promise to pay for and guess who got stuck with all the bills when he bailed on the relationship?? It will take me years to pay off the debt I went into to buy him things that he liked and clothes for his kids. Take my advice… never buy things for your husband’s children and don’t take out a loan for things you can’t really afford even when he promises to pay for them.

So I can relate to many of these items, and the rest may eventually come to pass. We’ll see.

Pelczar, E. (2013, March 29). 10 Reasons Why Being Single Is Better Than A Relationship. Elite Daily. Retrieved from http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/10-reasons-single-relationship/

What Does the Future Hold?

I see couples out together. Some are talking. Some are arguing. Some are holding hands and smiling at one another. When I see these couples I feel a sense of loss… a sense that I’m missing something in my life. As I begin to think about that in greater detail I become increasingly confused because I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is that I miss. So in my mind I begin to list what I don’t miss.

I don’t miss sleeping with someone. I really like my bed with its frilly comforter and pillows. I like sleeping in the middle, having all of the covers to myself, and not getting woken up in the night by amorous intentions, snoring, or being kicked in the night.

I don’t miss taking care of a man. I don’t miss the extra laundry, the socks left in the living room, the muddy boots on the floor, the messes in the kitchen left after midnight snacking, or crumbs in my bed.

I really like having some control over what television shows I watch and knowing that I can go to bed whenever I want without worrying over when he’s coming to bed, or if he’s falling asleep on the sofa. I don’t have to get anyone else up for work or share my closet. I can talk to other men without getting the third degree.

But I do miss things. I miss someone checking up on me during the day. I miss having someone around who knows me so well that they can finish my sentences. I miss having another person who I can lean on sometimes… someone who is able to carry some of the weight I bear daily. There was a time that I had these things, but they were fleeting. So I don’t know.

I see couples out together, and the feelings I get confuse me. Who knows what the future holds for me.