What Does the Future Hold?

I see couples out together. Some are talking. Some are arguing. Some are holding hands and smiling at one another. When I see these couples I feel a sense of loss… a sense that I’m missing something in my life. As I begin to think about that in greater detail I become increasingly confused because I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is that I miss. So in my mind I begin to list what I don’t miss.

I don’t miss sleeping with someone. I really like my bed with its frilly comforter and pillows. I like sleeping in the middle, having all of the covers to myself, and not getting woken up in the night by amorous intentions, snoring, or being kicked in the night.

I don’t miss taking care of a man. I don’t miss the extra laundry, the socks left in the living room, the muddy boots on the floor, the messes in the kitchen left after midnight snacking, or crumbs in my bed.

I really like having some control over what television shows I watch and knowing that I can go to bed whenever I want without worrying over when he’s coming to bed, or if he’s falling asleep on the sofa. I don’t have to get anyone else up for work or share my closet. I can talk to other men without getting the third degree.

But I do miss things. I miss someone checking up on me during the day. I miss having someone around who knows me so well that they can finish my sentences. I miss having another person who I can lean on sometimes… someone who is able to carry some of the weight I bear daily. There was a time that I had these things, but they were fleeting. So I don’t know.

I see couples out together, and the feelings I get confuse me. Who knows what the future holds for me.