It's Not My Job

I’ve been praying about the situation with my youngest grandson, and I had a revelation on the way home yesterday.

I’ve been trying to protect him and keep him safe. I’ve been trying to preserve his relationships with his family so that he won’t feel the pangs of yet another loss in his young life. I’ve been desperate to fix the situation for him, his brothers, and for myself. BUT… it’s not my job.

I am the grandparent, not the parent. As much as I want to fix this it’s not my job to do so.

When you take on the role of “parent” for a child you are also taking on the role of protector. You are supposed to put your feelings aside and do what is right for the child no matter the cost to your pride or your needs. It is a role that I have assumed with the grandchildren that I co-parent with my son. When they want seconds at dinner they get it, even if it means that I have to fix myself something else… because their needs come first.

So I am not responsible for my grandson losing his family. I am also not responsible for any consequences of that loss. Children who are adopted often experience loss and grief. It is the parent’s job to help them cope.

“Parents through adoption, can get caught in a trap of only seeing things from their perspective. The journey to the kids may have been wrought with trials, infertility, a healthy dose of patience and confusion; yet, the experience is a supporting actor in the story. The kids’ experience(s) needs to take the lead role” (Bailey, 2019).

As I relinquish this responsibility in my heart I pray that God will keep my grandson safe and that somehow he will know that he is loved from the other side of town too.

Bailey, C. (2019, September 13). How Can I Help My Adopted Child Cope with Loss and Trauma? Retrieved from AdoptHelp: https://adoption.com/how-can-i-help-my-adopted-child-cope-with-loss-and-trauma