Stress, Illness, and Letting Go

Over the last year a lot of things have happened with my grandsons. Here goes.

I was trying to navigate the Foster Care system in order to get custody of my youngest grandson, Elias. They had a contractor do my home study and she tanked me. This is why (according to her).

She claimed that I didn’t have a support system in place. I’m single and all of my friends either live away or have gone away. She said that my dogs were aggressive… to be honest my cattle dog tried to herd her into the house which scared the “youknowwhat” out of her. Then she said that I’ve some bad decisions in the past (seriously? I mean who hasn’t). Then she said that she thought that a third child would be too much for me “at my age.” Whatever… it was devastating and my heart was broken.

Also, during this time my grandson’s foster mother decided not to have any contact with me, so I only got to see him and get updates during my visits at the agency. It was hit or miss some weeks because he was sometimes sick, or the worker was sick, or she was on vacation… so there were weeks where I didn’t get to see him. Also, during this time I was working part-time temp jobs and looking for work, so my stress level was very high.

Then the following November (2018) DCS decided to give me one more chance to get custody of Elias, and recommended that the court let him stay in foster care for six additional months so that they could work with me (to solve all of my issues). They assigned me a counselor, a parental adviser, and made appointments for me to have a follicle drug test, a psychological assessment, and an attachment assessment. Soon after that we got our first break. My son got a part-time job as a security guard! We had income!

I decided to cash in one of my retirement plans to make ends meet in December 2018. Then on Christmas Day Elias’s foster mom had a change of heart and sent me lots and lots of pictures of him. She also gave me a little book with copies of his photos. We tentatively began to build a relationship on that day.

As the New Year dawned we were approved for SNAP (food stamps) and Medicaid benefits which was a relief as buying food was getting kind of scary. I was working as a mail inserter which was not difficult work, but it was hard on my shoulders, neck, and back, and it barely paid above minimum wage. I went to interviews almost every week, but most people said that I was overqualified… so no job.

Then in February the flu broke out at the temp job site. Many of people were out sick, and soon I started feeling bad and got to the point where I could barely talk. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with the flu. I was out of work for almost a week and stayed in bed most of the time. 

In March started a new job as a Tech Writer through another temp agency. The job seemed like an okay fit, but the people were very, VERY, quiet (I am not quiet). I was still not feeling 100% but I rallied on. After I had worked there for a week and a half I woke up feeling rotten and called in sick. I went to the doctor and had a temperature of 102.8 which is very uncomfortable for someone my age (61), and was diagnosed with an acute sinus infection. The doctor gave me a shot of antibiotics (ouch), an prescriptions for azithromycin, nasal steroids, antihistamine, and a note for two days off. The following day the firm I was contracted to let me go. So I was again unemployed.

I continued to be sick. I had a very bad reaction to the azithromycin which included severe anxiety, nausea, diarrhea, and horrible burning in my chest. I couldn't eat anything, and ended up in the Emergency Room with severe chest pains. I thought I was having a heart attack. An EKG, blood work, and a stress test found my heart to be normal, so I went back to the doctor. She prescribed anti-nausea medication and valium for the anxiety. I slowly started to get better (applesauce tasted wonderful). 

After a month of me being sick I took a good hard look at my life and came to the conclusion that my life was causing me stress. The stress was contributing to a decline in my health. I decided at that time that I could not take care of Elias they way he deserved. 

I began to de-stress my life. First, I went to the Foster Care case worker and told her to cancel all of the appointments as I was no longer going to pursue custody of Elias. It was a very difficult decision, but a necessary one for the boys that I had. It should also be mentioned that by this time Elias had been living with his foster parents for over half of his life. They loved him dearly, and wanted to adopt him. 

Next I told my addicted daughter that I was going to sell the house where she was living. To make a long story short, she had been living there for almost six years and was not taking care of it. Not only that, but it was a known drug house and the police were there almost every week. It was time for her to stand on her own and accept the consequences of her decisions. Getting her to actually leave the house was extremely difficult and involved court hearings and notices over several months, but she finally left and my stress and anxiety greatly improved.

In April I had several interviews for Administrative Assistant positions and one for a Receptionist position. All of them seemed to go well so I was optimistic. Elias’s foster mom and I established a good relationship and we exchange photos and texts on a regular basis. We FaceTime on occasion, and our family has visited their home several times.

On May 1^st I started a job as an Administrative Assistant at one of the local universities, and on the 17^th the court terminated parental rights of both of Elias’s parents. His foster parents are over the moon excited to adopt him. He is well loved and thriving.

As part of my “de-stressing” I cut my hair very short, renewed a relationship with my older sister, and learned to say “no.”… sometimes under my breath, but I say it.