Living with Grandsons

This post was originally posted in May of 2018. I reposted due to formatting issues.

Now for something completely different (enough about my ex-husband). Life goes on and there is a parallel story.

In 2014 Child Protective Services (CPS) removed my grandsons, Tristen (3) and Aiden (6) from my daughter's home for failure to pass a drug test. I took them home, but my ex-husband didn’t want a life with children so I allowed an uncle who lived in Florida to take custody (I live in Virginia). They subsequently went there to live with him two days before that Thanksgiving. By March, 2015, their uncle had cut all ties with family in Virginia. He blocked us on social media, discontinued allowing phone calls from both myself and my daughter, and refused to allow visitation.

My daughter filed an appeal for custody in Circuit Court, and I hired an attorney and petitioned for custody. After several preliminary hearings, and a home study the judge awarded me custody of both boys in August, 2015.

After my ex-husband tried to commit suicide in our bedroom, and I asked him to leave, I became a "single" caregiver to my grandsons. This change occurred in May 2016. My son, Brian, worked nights as a security guard and he started staying with me to help with the children during the day. He eventually gave up his home and moved in with me full time. He is a great help with the boys, putting them on the bus in the morning and helping them with homework in the afternoon. 

It was very difficult adjusting to having children and being virtually on my own. I've never really been without a man very long, and it was lonely and depressing. I joined some groups on social media with other grandparents who raise their grandchildren, but I was and am still very isolated. When you are sixty years old with young children you don't really fit in anywhere and it can get quite lonely. The first year was the hardest. Not only was I dealing with being a single parent again, my ex-husband was dumping all of his financial responsibilities on me so finances were very limited.

In October of 2016 my daughter gave birth to another son (Elias). He was subsequently taken by CPS on January 31 of this year. He is 20 months old and is now in foster care. When they took Elias I declined taking him for several reasons. First, I wasn't sure that I could afford a baby, mostly due to child care expenses. Second, when they took the boys nothing was done to help my daughter. Third, it is a difficult process to go through and I wasn't sure that I could do it again; therefore, I let him go into foster care. 

Since then I discovered that "kinship care" is available, so I applied to be a "kinship foster parent" so that I could bring Elias to live with myself and his brothers. Being certified as a foster parent will assist me financially for a few months, pay for childcare, and give myself and my daughter the resources to give everyone their best chance. It involves piles of paperwork and training, but I'm determined to struggle through the process.

My daughter’s addiction has been a major struggle for me. I sincerely hope that she does what is required so that Elias can return home to her, but I am willing to keep him with me if that doesn’t happen. Since I have had the boys for almost four years I am a bit doubtful that my daughter will turn things around, but I haven’t given up hope. I pray a lot.

So this blog is taking a much needed "about face" as I navigate the foster care system... and raise a houseful of boys. This is getting good.